Losing a parent

My dad passed away over a year ago.  I think I've been through all the "typical" grieving phases.  I miss him, but I had actually been missing him for a few years prior to his death.  He suffered from Multiple Myeloma and in the last year or two, he just wasn't the same.  I don't live in the same state, so our visits just weren't frequent enough.  Some of our visits were to provide support while he was in the hospital.  And yet, almost a year and a half after his death, I feel like something isn't right.  It seems as if, since he passed away, there's a whole in my family.  Sometimes it seems like a whole filled with bad feelings, sometimes it's filled with things left unsaid and sometimes it's just empty.  I ponder this a lot and it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  I struggle to find words to explain it to anyone or either to myself.  It's a feeling that's just there.  Not all the time of course, but enough of the time where it seems to make family gatherings less carefree.  I long to ask my sisters if they feel the same, but there's that loss of words.  I wonder if I should ask my mom if she has noticed, but I don't want more tears and sadness.  So, I ponder it all once in awhile.  These are my thoughts and my feelings and I'm old enough to know that they will change with time and patience.  They are not the kind of thoughts I want to put on someone else's shoulders.  I'm okay with that, too.  It's interesting to work through it all and wonder if and when I'll ever "move one".  Is this what losing a parent is like?  My dad, who I had turned to for 46 years is gone and I feel funny about it after more than a year.  I suppose that is to be expected.  I'm just wondering if there will come a day when it won't be so noticeable?  For now, I relish the memories that make me smile and try to be joyful and live the life I wanted for him in those last years - one filled with love, caring, understanding.  I hope also to be able to add - filled with sharing words that go along with those feelings one day.  I'll let you know.